Where do I go from here?

There are days I wake up and feel like I should know what I’m doing. What to chase. Where to start. What’s next. 

But I don’t.

Some days, I want to do everything.

Launch the idea I’ve been sitting on. Pitch my brand. Record a new episode for my podcast that I’ve abandoned. Relaunch my website. Read three books. Learn a new skill. Complete my open courses. Take more walks. Cook more healthy meals. Complete all the notes on my pending tasks and never-ending to-do lists.Make healthier food. Go out more. Show up. Rest. Write. Build. Be.

Everything. All at once.

Other days? I do absolutely nothing. 

Instead, I find myself sitting in the middle of everything and nothing. A million tabs open in my head. A hundred half-done ideas. So many things I say I want to do, but somehow, I’m stuck. 

And it’s not that I don’t care. Not at all. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you had so much to do and ended up doing nothing? Then I think you’d get this. 

It’s like being suspended in limbo, your mind running laps but your body being stuck on pause.

It’s this space no one talks about enough.

The in-between.

Not exactly stuck, but not moving either.

Not quite hopeless, but not fully lit up.

Not sure if it’s burnout or boredom or something entirely different.

Just… there. Existing. Floating. Waiting for something to land. Hoping you stay high enough above the waters. 

Some days I open a blank page to write and close it a few minutes later.

I plan my week and still feel like I’m doing life on shuffle.

I say “yes” to things I’m not sure I want, just to feel like I’m not doing nothing.

It’s weird—this in-between space. You’re not exactly lost, but you’re not found either.

It’s like being in a room with all the lights off, but your eyes have adjusted, so you forget it’s dark until someone turns the light on again. 😅

And it’s weird, because I know I’m not lazy.

I know I’m capable. I’ve done hard things before. I’ve fought for things. Built things.

But right now? I’m just… tired. Quiet. Hesitant. A little lost. Just… here.

But I know I don’t want to stay stuck.

I want to feel excited again. I want to wake up and not dread the day. I want to care deeply and move, even if it’s slow. I want to be happy. I want to get stuff done. I want to see my dreams come to pass. 

I guess I wanted to say this in case you’re here too.

You, with your long list of things you could be doing.

You, in your head too much.

You, overthinking the next step so much, you end up not taking any.

I don’t have a fix.

But I’m learning not to shame myself for being here. 

This waiting, wandering, wondering space might be part of the story too.

Maybe something beautiful is blooming beneath the stillness. God I hope so. 

Just maybe.

And if not yet, then maybe soon. 

I do hope you give yourself some grace. I hope you stop beating yourself up for not having it all figured out. And I hope, slowly, you start finding your way back to yourself

No pressure to be amazing right now.

Just… don’t disappear from yourself. Okay? We have a deal then. 🤝

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Starting a new section I found on Anoma’s very beautiful letter.

My weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.

Reading: Hannah Grace’s Wildfire. This one’s been a slow burn (pun intended), I guess. 😅

It’s a good book, definitely. But I think I might be growing out of the “young love” genre. I’m one of those people who, when they really love a book, will finish it that same day, no matter what. So when a book drags on for weeks, I know something’s up.

Still, I’m also one of those people who’ll stick it out just to see if they finally get their shit together and earn that happy ending. 💀

Fingers crossed I go from 83% to 100% read soon.

Eating: A mix of healthy veggie wraps and… Fab biscuits. I know. Don’t judge me more than I already am. 😭 Very soon, Fab will just be a distant memory. (Manifesting🫠.)

Playing:

Lana Del Rey’s Chemtrails Over the Country Club (I’m really getting into her vibe), and Patrick Watson.

Also been watching Kemi Adetiba’s To Kill a Monkey and honestly? Such a solid watch. I’ve got two episodes left and I might just write a review… or even record a video version of a review. Let’s see how the spirit leads.

Observing:

More like realizing that your life is actually your own. Like it is entirely (almost entirely re: LAPO baby vs NEPO baby drama 💀) in your hands how it turns out. And that’s wild, lmao.

Recommending:

Step outside at least three times this week (especially if you’re an introvert who works remotely).

Move your body. take a 5k walk. Let the breeze touch your face. Try it and see what shifts.

Thankful for:

The internet. For all its chaos, there’s so much good here that we don’t talk about enough. That you can find a course and just… take it. That you can read a book, learn a new skill, or listen to an audiobook from anywhere.

I’m thankful for what I’ve made of myself through the internet and for everything I still will. (Yes, personal branding, I’m coming back for you.)

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Here’s a random picture of me after lunges nearly ended my legs at the gym, and I had to spend my tfare on parfait to feel human again.

(Inner circle privileges frfr cos I haven’t posted my gym episodes anywhere else 😅)

Yup, that’s enough for today, kids 💀

I hope today’s edition meets you gently. I hope it warms you like a voice note from someone who gets it. 🫂

I’m here, and I’m always rooting for you.

Sending love,

Grace 🫶🏻